L O S T

After much thought and thorough deliberation, I finally came up with a decision... eeehh!!! Wrong!!!

Tuesday.... June 19, 2012 at around 10:32 AM I got the most dreaded call....

Let's move a little way back.... 9:23AM --> I got the call from *Insert name here* informing me that I have an orientation at 1pm even if I'm not yet done with the requirements coz I'll start working tomorrow... so I said okay... I'm on my way to the medical examination center to deliver my test samples xp bringing with me several documents and a book... I already prepared everything I have to bring, most especially my bio-data so I can get my sss nah, with the help of course from my friend's father. Then for some unknown reason, probably because of my being forgetful, I realized that I left the most important document, which is my bio-data, when I arrived at the center. So I hurriedly meet with A***, a fellow Jfinex officer, and gave him those garbage... oopps.. documents rather and the book.. I didn't even enter the campus and chose to ride the motorcycle to get to the jeepney stop to go back home and retrieve what I left.

As I was riding the motorcycle, my phone vibrated simultaneously signalling an incoming call. My heart palpitated. I pressed answer in a hope that it wasn't what I thought it was.. and yes it was! Tremor took over me. I got my most dreaded call.. I got the call before I could even get my sss, which I was about to do. They rang just when I was about to get my sss and finalize everything. I'm really thinking things over, no idea as to what was happening around me. I texted a few friends for help, some I guess was a bad idea (must keep in mind those people I should text), and of course I texted my mom. When I got home, my mom called telling me to figure things out. We had the talk over the weekend and she's biased I tell you. She favored the asdfghjkkl without even thinking of what I felt back then. My father, as usual, doesn't care what I'll choose. But then to my surprise, she's keeping her hands off of the matter and she's letting me decide, which of course doesn't help at that state. So as suggested, I went to see Sir **** the manager, to ask a few questions. It was a matter between life and death! LOL.. just kidding... I was hoping I could arrange things, and sadly, he said "no" and think things over. He explained a few things which should really require a lot of thinking, then it strikes me.... "personally, I mean, sa ako lang I want you here... but it's your own decision" The feeling of being wanted surpassed everything, then I said Yes! I think I deserve it. Having experienced being the last resort was HELL,,, thanks to quite a FEW, very FEW friends (could personally name them) who made me realize some things. I may be living the dream of some that's why I did what I did.

I might not like what my soon to be Job is, but for sure I will enjoy doing it because of those awesome people. Those people who can make me feel special. The people who have seen my worth. They didn't look past me. I had been informed that one of my OJE-mates did not get the call. That's when I wondered what's the factor for the selection? She's got beauty but I can say I have the brains, although it takes time for someone to figure that out, not in a matter of 2 days or so. I'm the only one who arrived late during the OJE. Was always last, during the initial interview via skype I was 30min late; During the first day of OJE, arrived 2min late good thing Sir **** was late as well, During the 2nd day of OJE I arrived 20min late and they even found out.. it went like "good morning sir" and he's like "good morning :) you're late *grin*" (I can't forget that haunting smile,.. thought that was the end of it)... even during the final interview. I'm also the only one who don't have any experience yet, the youngest in the group. Others had been or is in a managerial position -- when you think about it, I'm just a noob in the group. Yet, despite that, they might have seen my potential. I did not even show my TOR yet, not that it's something worth boasting about -- well good thing they didn't ask for my TOR yet, else I'm doomed!!! Anyway, the point is, they picked me among others! No idea why.. I did not even take written exams which will test your intelligence or that kind of stuffs... well we only took situational essay... an essay that's too easy! LOL

I decided to inform them (asdfghjkl) personally, while still discerning and on my way to asdfghjkl while texting some friends.... Since I don't want to be late for the so-called orientation, in case I change my mind, I decided na mag.double ride nalang... And just when I stepped out sa aircon na car, too late for me to realize na wala man diay "step" so ayun... SPLAK!! that embarrassing moment.... natauhan ko kalit! hahahaha.... I took it as a sign,, like the one when I was about to get my bio-data and file for sss... Fastforward Home.... Kala ko everything's okay nah,, hindi pala.... I was greeted by a letter from the government agency which I applied for 2months ago informing me that I passed the test and is scheduled for another test. Talk about perfect timing!!

Then I got the sarcastic remark at a time like this! It may look fun but it's not!!! I thought the shedding of tears days were over... guess I was wrong!! hhmmm.... I can still remember feeling overjoyed when I was asked for the interview and exam.... Haven't heard from them so I've moved on.... then all of a sudden after a month or so, asking me to have a final interview. I was hesitant due to the thought that it was just because of someone I know and not because of the fact that they want me there, but I still went there and to my dismay... ok! erase erase!!.... for the first, I cried at a cab, not because I got my heart broken but because I got my i-dont-know-what broken.... It was even raining during that time... alone, crying at the cab... then moved on.... Next,, when they call me again for another interview after a million years -- again due to someone I know, and not because they want me... Finally, when I didn't accept the job and somebody said something.... When I told my mom about this, except for the emo part thingy, I was surprised she's reasoning with the same reasons I have. She finally see it MY way. I can tell, apart from me, only 2 people see the matter like how I see it. Appreciate that so much.. Thank you!! Ok, so the other 1 is my mom...

I also would like to thank my fellow OJE-ans for the wisdom.... Thank you =)) I know sometimes we have to be frank, but we must not forget that a person has his/her own limits too. Di lahat ng oras feel mo kaya nya... Wag na kasi dumagdag pah!!! Fine... my fault.... ako na... lagi naman...... like what? sure! rot in hell? oh I will!!! Ok lang pala na kahit lahat ng tao ayaw sa'yo,,, basta alam mo there are still people who believe in you. Who'll stand with you..... and that.... that's what I call FRIEND =)) Thank you

Notes: Decisions... decisions.... we have to make certain choices.... Kala ko Astig tignan... the truth is, it's different if you're the one who's actually in that position and the one who's just watching.... Regrets? Happy naman ako with my choice,,, my brain is telling me that's just plain stupid but my self worth is thanking me right now.