I've been debating with myself over this matter for as long as I can remember. I was never into this job even from the beginning,, OJE pa lang. OJE pa lang gyud, I know that this was not my thing. Unfortunately, I passed the OJE even though I was late during that 2-day-evaluation, and that's one of the factors why I accepted this job and chosen it over 2 other opportunities,, make that three, including the workshop --- oohh... don't make me start blabbing about the workshop--- moving on... yeah,, well, there were several instances which made me say "I've had enough! I quit!" then at the end of the day... "but then again...." and just when I was about to doze off "ok! I can't keep on doing these things for 2 more years"... it's a never ending debate until I've settled on a choice. Either a firm choice, which I doubt will happen, or a no turning back action, which is obviously connected with the title of this entry....
There were signs presented this day to help me with my decision:
1. In the Manager's Log book, GY manager wrote something about someone submitting ze controversial letter,,.. The book did not mention any names,, LOL
2. I got an email from DTI stating that I passed that one hell of a technical exam! and that I have another oral interview on Friday,, Bad news, I have a duty on that day.. Good News, No worries for the swap... Bad News, I'm giving up "no dragon day" and must encounter face-to-face with ze mythical and most anticipated DRAGON!!!
3. Despite having a very very usual bad day (although it was worse),, people checked up on me saying "Okay ra ka ma'am? ayaw pa apekto ma'am! sagdi sila ui! ayaw ka.stress" simple words that meant a lot and surprisingly made a deep impact... Plus, "kasab.i ma'am! buotan ra man sad kaayo ka! awata si *someone na di ko feel coz ang iyang aura is di masabtan*" naks! diay?!? okay! I'm minimizing my usage of annoying (to some) words....
aaahhh.... so which is which? To pursue, continue, and in a hope that someday I'll like what I am doing.... or take that RISK!!! aaaahhh >.<
The truth is... I'm still UNDECIDED!!!!
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Sunday, September 9, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Make-Believe
I don't know why the movie Arthur made an impact. I just watched it a few hours ago on some cable channel I'm not disclosing the name coz for one, they're not paying me, rather it's the other way around,, and two, coz I feel like being mysterious today, although I think this doesn't count. Maybe for some reason I think it's because the lady protagonist in the movie is a frustrated writer (if you know what I mean) and then Arthur told her to chase her dream, something like quit your job and focus on this (referring to her manuscript).. and she did... eventually, she published the children's book and the acknowledgement or dedication says "to Arthur, for teaching me to believe in make-believe again" something like that. pppffftt!! I wish I was a kid again,, getting what I want was relatively effortless back then. If it's that easy to chase dreams then I'm supposed to be THERE today! Not HERE!!! Although this was my choice... at least on the bright side, I have proven that I do have a talent in writing.
Why do I love writing? It's because I can temporarily escape from the real world through writing. Anything I want to happen can happen here. I can create fictitious people, make phantasmagorical things happen, and nobody can dictate nor stop me because this is my story. It might be just an illusion, but this introspective world is what keeps me going. Through this, I can still hang on to things. LOL. Just saying things to have exaggerated melodramatic effect. What? People always buy those things!
A friend once told me to keep on writing not because I have to but because I want to. Writing may not be my job, but that doesn't stop me from doing what I love. So what if I don't get paid for my prodigious creations, so what if it's never going to be a major motion picture, so what if only a few or no one will be able to read my stories,,.. FOR NOW!!! Thus, I must not stop! Someday..... I'll quote a saying I got from a famous animation movie "If you want it, you will it.. if you will it, it will be yours!!"
As for my work,, 1month and still nowhere close to liking what I'm doing. I've sacrificed things just for this?!? I have even sacrificed my DREAM CAREER when it was right at my fingertips already!!!! I am surely INSANE!!!! The turn of events this week made me think that this is just PLAIN WRONG!! However, I am afraid that if I submit a specific letter, I don't know what's going to happen... I am still taking that test! It's future Rhean's problem if I pass that effin test!
~Them all ye brutally nice people!!!~
Why do I love writing? It's because I can temporarily escape from the real world through writing. Anything I want to happen can happen here. I can create fictitious people, make phantasmagorical things happen, and nobody can dictate nor stop me because this is my story. It might be just an illusion, but this introspective world is what keeps me going. Through this, I can still hang on to things. LOL. Just saying things to have exaggerated melodramatic effect. What? People always buy those things!
A friend once told me to keep on writing not because I have to but because I want to. Writing may not be my job, but that doesn't stop me from doing what I love. So what if I don't get paid for my prodigious creations, so what if it's never going to be a major motion picture, so what if only a few or no one will be able to read my stories,,.. FOR NOW!!! Thus, I must not stop! Someday..... I'll quote a saying I got from a famous animation movie "If you want it, you will it.. if you will it, it will be yours!!"
As for my work,, 1month and still nowhere close to liking what I'm doing. I've sacrificed things just for this?!? I have even sacrificed my DREAM CAREER when it was right at my fingertips already!!!! I am surely INSANE!!!! The turn of events this week made me think that this is just PLAIN WRONG!! However, I am afraid that if I submit a specific letter, I don't know what's going to happen... I am still taking that test! It's future Rhean's problem if I pass that effin test!
~Them all ye brutally nice people!!!~
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
14 Days
22 days of being EMPLOYED!!!! 8 days day-off.. which means I've been on duty for 14 days already!! In that 14 days,, I'm still firm! 55-45... For the record, I don't hate my job, I just don't like it! Yes! Working in that business establishment for 14 days had been a blissful ride, but that doesn't change the fact that it's not my thing. I am more of an office-type of person rather than on an actual area doing different sorts of stuff I am not passionate about. I'd rather face charts and numbers than face actual people, not to mention I've been avoiding bumping into friends, acquaintances, and even familiar faces. Oh the shame! the horror!
What keeps me going are the people I work with. The kind of people who can turn work to play. The homey feel. The feeling of being wanted. Okay! so the last one was a bit exaggerated. and No! I may not get that feel yet,, I'm still the noob in the group after all. However, I like that people are always checking up on me asking me if I'm okay, or how am I doing every once in a while. I'm taking one step at a time although I think I may have taken that step quicker than normal. I mean.. It only took them, well some of them, just a matter of 3weeks to figure me out and yes maybe crack a joke or two on me or with me... whatever! What matters is that I'm comfortable and so are they, or at least that's what I think. It's amazing how you can know a person well in a span of 3 weeks.
Last Monday, July 23, 2012, after I got my payroll atm card, I visited my friend who happens to be working at somewhere I consider picturing myself working in 4yrs or so. After taking that long walk to get there, I arrived 12minutes before 5. When I walked in, I walked in a dead air! It's one of those eerie rooms wherein the only thing you can hear is the faint tapping of the keyboard and the clock ticking. There were more or less 15 people in that room, each is busy minding their own as if they don't know each other. That 12 minutes is all it took for me to appreciate my job. At least the people I am working with SPEAK!!! THEY TALK!! I may not have my own desk, my own pc, nor my own cubicle, but I have loony people to entertain me and momentarily forget about these things.
Still, it doesn't change the fact that my brain is getting duller each day.... HELP!!!!
What keeps me going are the people I work with. The kind of people who can turn work to play. The homey feel. The feeling of being wanted. Okay! so the last one was a bit exaggerated. and No! I may not get that feel yet,, I'm still the noob in the group after all. However, I like that people are always checking up on me asking me if I'm okay, or how am I doing every once in a while. I'm taking one step at a time although I think I may have taken that step quicker than normal. I mean.. It only took them, well some of them, just a matter of 3weeks to figure me out and yes maybe crack a joke or two on me or with me... whatever! What matters is that I'm comfortable and so are they, or at least that's what I think. It's amazing how you can know a person well in a span of 3 weeks.
Last Monday, July 23, 2012, after I got my payroll atm card, I visited my friend who happens to be working at somewhere I consider picturing myself working in 4yrs or so. After taking that long walk to get there, I arrived 12minutes before 5. When I walked in, I walked in a dead air! It's one of those eerie rooms wherein the only thing you can hear is the faint tapping of the keyboard and the clock ticking. There were more or less 15 people in that room, each is busy minding their own as if they don't know each other. That 12 minutes is all it took for me to appreciate my job. At least the people I am working with SPEAK!!! THEY TALK!! I may not have my own desk, my own pc, nor my own cubicle, but I have loony people to entertain me and momentarily forget about these things.
Still, it doesn't change the fact that my brain is getting duller each day.... HELP!!!!
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